I've just been on both ends of this exact thing. Sold one and bought one, at the same time, both privately.
Existing vehicle went 1,000km north and new vehicle came from 5,000km west.
Due to travel restrictions nobody could come or go before the deals were done so I got to feel the emotion of wondering if I'd done the right thing buying without touching and at the same time dealt with a buyer having those same fears.
From a selling perspective, I knew the car was rock solid and would be a great vehicle for someone else moving forward, and that they would get as much if not more enjoyment from it than I had. From speaking with the buyer I knew what they wanted it for and over several conversations, I walked them through every tiny detail of the car, the history of it, servicing, etc, but they still hesitated out of worry that they couldn't reach out and touch it. That makes it tough being the seller when you know you're telling the truth and being as open and honest as possible to feel like it doesn't matter what you say, this person does not know you so how can they really confirm you're telling the truth? Fair call really.
From a buying perspective, I had the same concerns - what if the seller is just glossing over things or leaving out details of anything wrong? The seller wasn't a "car guy" so it made it a little tougher to get information because unless you asked the specific questions to get right information, it wasn't volunteered because it wasn't really known what I'd want to know overall. I was fortunate enough to have someone have a look over the car for me, and the finance company wanted an inspection which came back fine but it's still not "touching" it.
In both cases however, after a while of talking with someone back and forth, you can start to form an opinion on the | genuine <---> bullshit | scale as to where they are on it and while still wary, everyone ended up where we reached a point of relative trust.
Interstate travel opened up just in time for my buyers so they flew to my city and I met them to exchange car for cash. Spent an hour going over everything with them so they understood the controls and little things you find as you go along when owning a Touareg - the "I didn't know it could do that" sort of stuff. They then drove home over a few days and sent me a message when they got there telling me how lovely the car drove. Makes you smile when you hear that as you know they're going to fall in love with a great motor vehicle.
Because my new one was so far away, it got a train ride followed by two truck trips to a holding yard before I got hold of it to drive home. My wife's brother said to me "Ever wonder if you've done the right thing and hope that the new one is as good as the old one?" Thanks for that buddy - I had that voice quietened down in my head... Turns out it's a great car, well looked after and probably 95% compared to the one I let go. A bit of tender care and time on it, and several hours in detailing and it will be just as good.
The funny part of all this though is people get jittery when it's a private sale but don't think twice when it's a dealer. I'd looked at a few dealer cars over the internet and went to see a couple in person and they were rubbish...one of them had undercarriage damage and half the electronic systems were offline. Sales guy walked me out to the car, I hopped in and started it up, followed by a string of warnings on the MFD flashing up at me. And this was a VW Dealer... "I thought you said your master technicians had looked over and approved this vehicle?". "Yeah, why?". After I pointed out all of the warnings I got "Oh, don't worry, we'll sort all that out for you"... Why wasn't it already sorted????? After a detailed look, you could see a bag of angry cats had been let loose on the interior, then I found the undercarriage damage. To top it off they low-balled me on a trade figure AND then told me in the current climate how you had to pay a premium to get good used cars on the lot to which I said "yeah - so why are you low balling me?". "Oh, we'll work towards a deal with you" - code for we'll just wear you down so you sign on the dotted just to get some peace. Walked away from that one thinking poor bastard that buys this is paying a ton of cash for a lemon.
Looked at another one, again at a dealer, after I'd asked them over the phone to rate the car out of 10. "It's a solid 8"...yeah, nar. How about a 6 and I'm being generous champ. There was also one which had no service history, few close up shots, and when prodded for details the salesman was as clear as mud. "Yeah it's a great car"...no it's not....Getting them to respond to emails, text messages, phone calls, etc was as painful as polio. No deal yo be had cause they found a sucker locally. Didn't even bother to talk about a trade.
Another dealer who was remote was probably the 2nd best car salesman I've ever come across. Older guy who was straight up about the car and told me he'd look around and take detailed photos of everything he found. Said he'd look for traces of sand to see if it had been a beach car, etc, etc. Who ever originally wrote the advertisement for it was obviously well versed in bullshit because the photos that came through did not match the description. Thanked him for being straight up with me and wished him well with the sale.
And then another which was actually a decent example was probably $10k over where it should have been because with so many people finding poor examples in dealers, it would get snapped up by someone desperate for a good car. I got as far as talking a trade and the dealer had offered good money for it (and said he really wanted the car) but said he was confident he'd get a premium price so we left it at that.
All in all, after going through the exercise with several dealers and getting told "the condition is good for it's age" over and over, you just start to glaze over and realise that, for the most part, the reason these cars are showing up at dealers is because either they're crap and someone couldn't sell it so traded it in and took a bath, or they're "just" cars to some people who treat them without care or regard, simply turning them over for the next one.
I don't think I got to the serious point with a dealer in 5 cars I'd looked at, and arrived at the conclusion that quietly finding someone who wanted a good car was going to be much more satisfying than handing the keys over to a dealer for nothing, only to watch them make $10-$15K on it because "it's at a dealer so it must be worth a premium". That's when I decided to wait until I found someone privately who I would be happy selling the car to, and it just happened to coincide with the right car coming available to buy from someone else pretty much doing the same thing.
FWIW, a private sale means you're not getting a snow job by a professional artist and you just need to feel the seller out to see if the pictures match the story...
Oz